I started this post at 7:30am whilst waiting for the Ikea men to come and deliver our new furniture. It’s the first furniture we’ve owned since we left Texas two years ago, and I must say it’s significantly nicer. ‘We are proper adults!’ this furniture seems to say, as opposed to the eclectic array of things that we used to live with - old falling apart pieces of furniture that were discarded by relatives, and former graduate students who had moved off to adult land long before we did. Though there will be a little bit of collecting discarded bits this time too, but it comes from a way classier source so I’m feeling pretty sophisticated about the direction that our tiny unfurnished flat is taking.
It wasn’t until I started making a list of everything that we needed to be comfortable in our new flat that I realized how very much we are starting over again. I say ‘again,’ but I’ve never actually moved to a place without at least owning some cutlery before, or at least in Aberdeen cutlery was provided by our gracious landlords. Then I looked around me and thought about the last two years and all that they have wrought.
You know what’s harder than I ever expected it to be? Moving to a whole new country without really knowing anyone except my husband and his family and then going though all of the sputters and false starts of trying to get my new life going without even being able to just call my best friends on the phone when things went wrong. That was hard actually, and it’s still hard.
At the same time I have made new friends, and some very sweet, kind, wonderful ones. I’ve been photographing beautiful weddings in really great places and working with some very lovely clients. My husband has a nice new job in a city that I’m excited to live in, and of course there is the baby that I have wanted so very much for as long as I can remember that is finally on his way – a boy – we found out yesterday. There is a lot to be greatful for, and it is good for me to make a note of it here so that I realize how ridiculously lucky I am. It is too easy for me to get bogged down in the stress of moving again, of still feeling a bit like an alien in my new home, and all of the FEARS involved being responsible for this new little life.
It’s interesting too for me to realize that I don’t think that I’ve enjoyed being pregnant much, but not because I’ve had a hard pregnancy. Instead it’s because I’ve spent the whole time being anxious and stepping from one fear into another, even seeking out new fears to have because I want to be sure that I’ve got my fear bases covered. It’s a shame really, and I don’t want to forget to enjoy my kid’s childhood because I’m too busy being terrified all of the time.
So here is a list of some more good things that have happened and are happening, just for the record:
We move to Edinburgh on Monday. I really like our flat. It’s tiny tiny and unfurnished but it has hardwood floors, built in bookcases, and I get to be neighbors with Kirsty. Truly I am a lucky lady.
I got to meet Lyn of Another Damn Life, and take pictures of her and her Beau. Hopefully I’ll get to show a few to you. I confess to being a bit star struck and perhaps talking too much in an attempt to be funny. Ah well. It was still really cool (for me at least).
I have one more wedding and then I am go on pseudo-maternity leave. I’ll still be working on the business up until the baby is born, and responding to inquiries after, but no more big shooting gigs until April!
A friend of mine started an infertility blog for offbeat couples called Alt-IF. If you’re dealing with fertility problems and the phrase ‘baby dust’ makes you want to shoot yourself in the face, I suggest checking this site out. It is a welcome relief.
Until next time!