I have been a full time wedding photographer for the last two years, and I still get a thrill every time I say that out loud. There was a time during my first year back in Austin where I was buried under a mountain of unprocessed weddings on my desktop, and I was looking down the barrel of two double wedding weekends in a row and there was no way that I could imagine myself ever working on anything else ever. It was great to have that much work, but I also started to feel like I was missing something. I ate, slept, and breathed weddings. I mostly read wedding blogs, I listened to wedding business webinars, and I pretty much only looked at other wedding photographers’ work for inspiration. After awhile I began to feel uninspired by wedding photography.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have always been passionate about what I do, and I know that most other wedding photographers are too. Wedding photography is actually really hard, and you have to be seriously hardcore to even come close to getting it right. If you think about it, a photographer for National Geographic will usually spend at minimum a few weeks, and sometimes a year or more on an assignment, and that’s to get 5-20 final images for a story. They often have the luxury of waiting for optimal lighting conditions, and of going back to re-shoot if they are unsatisfied with their work. A wedding photographer has only one day to capture hundreds of images that are up to professional standards.  They have to work around whatever lighting and weather conditions they’re presented with. They have to maintain intense focus, while being intensely physically active, yet still be laid back enough put people at ease and roll with whatever comes up. Wedding photography is HARD.

Still, I found myself feeling less than satisfied with my own pictures, and there I was buried under a pile of weddings with loads more weddings left to shoot. I wanted to do better, and I knew that I needed to look outside of the wedding industry for inspiration. So I bought myself a Diana. Then I bought a Holga. Then I started looking at as much non-wedding photography as I had time for. Old photos, new photos, I consumed as many as I could find. I bought a Mamyia. I bought a old manual Nikon, Aidan got me an iPhone for my 30th birthday, and with all of these cameras I began to take pictures of my life. I started to feel excited again: that familiar thrill that I used to get in the darkroom slowly crept back into me.

I began taking my film cameras to weddings and trying out different things. I focused my attention on other wedding photographers whose work made me shout at my computer in excitement. One Love Photo and Lillian & Leonard were my two biggest influences in 2011, and I’ll certainly be keeping my eyes on Hart & Sol and Candysnaps in 2012. I approached every wedding that I photographed like an art project and I think that I got better. If nothing else I certainly hope that I got more interesting.

Shooting personal work has helped me to reinvigorate my professional work, and I hope to continue down that road in 2012. I want to be both an artist and a wedding photographer. I tried really hard to juggle those two sides of myself last year, and there was a certain clumsiness that went along with trying to grow in both directions simultaneously. My aim for 2012 is to create images that are beautiful and interesting and honest. I want to continue to evolve as a photographer, and yet hold fast to my authenticity.

So yes, 2011 was huge. There were times when it felt like the best year of my life, and times when I wanted to ask the universe to please stop punching me in the face. I said goodbye to country, culture, friends, and family and started a new life. I lost two grandparents while I was stuck across an ocean, and there were a few other sad losses too. But there was also progress. I quit smoking (like really and for real for those of you who know about my failed past attempts). I became much more mindful of my health. I made new friends. Aidan and I got closer. I traveled all over Scotland and to England, Wales, and Northern Ireland. I got a new website. I got a Hasselblad & a sexy purse-like camera bag to carry it in.  My family came to visit me and we got on rather well. My favourite wedding photographers said nice things about my photographs. I joined blook club. I worked with some awesome and talented ladies. I discovered my wedding twin.